August 3, 2010

The most demanding weight loss plan…ever

Posted in The Blasco Kids tagged , , at 8:59 am by mottoblasco

I think it’s only fitting that this be the first story about the kids. True story, Thanksgiving weekend, 2008:

Don’t read this if you have a weak stomach…

Sunday morning: Wake up 7 times to a puking 2 year old. Change clothes 4 times…minimum. Unknown to you husband in his words “puked so hard he almost ripped the sink out of the wall.” Pack up 4 peoples belongings, because you’re at your sisters for the holidays. Drive home, 1 1/2 hour trip normally. Stop 3 times to let husband go to the bathroom. Each time you stop 2 year old (2YO) wakes up and proceeds to puke in bucket you have in car. On 3rd stop, snotty 7 month old (S7MO) needs a bottle. Adding at least 30 minutes to the drive.

Sunday day: Take care of puking husband w/ diarrhea. Go to store 2 times. Also wash 3 load of puked on laundry. Take care of S7MO & puking 2YO. While huband and 2YO sleep take S7MO to mother-in-laws for a ‘break’ Realizing all you’ve eaten today is a Starbucks iced coffee.

Monday: Get up in middle of night twice to crying S7MO. Normal wake up @ 6:30 with S7MO. Attempt to work until husband & puking 2YO wake up. 2YO wants drink/food…give limited amount. Clean up puke from 2YO 30 minutes later, repeat 4 times. Watch every Veggie Tales there is along with 5 cartoon movies to keep 2YO occupied (or prepare to have a whiny-pukey 2YO). Have you eaten in 2 days? No, you’ve probably lost at least a pound.

Tuesday: Husband returns to work. 2YO begs for food & water, give limited amounts & again clean up puke 30 minutes later…but it doesn’t seem to be everything she’s eaten. So you continue to give her more as day goes on, but still anticipate the puke. Both the S7MO & P2YO sleep alot, while they nap put away food, clothes, etc from trip 2 days ago & do some of that much needed work. By evening, things are looking a little better, diarrhea has hit you now though. Diapers are beginning to be more runny…not a good sign. 7 pm, S7MO spews his whole 9 ounce bottle on himself & dad. You cry, can this really get worse? Still no eating yet, surprisingly no appetite.

Wednesday: Day seems lots better. 2YO now playing again, wanting food & keeping it down. S7MO acts like he didn’t projectile vomit the night before. Diarrhea still in your system but you work through it. Spend most of the day doing 2 more loads of puky poopy laundry, disinfecting everything, washing dishes… But wait, is that poop i see running down the 2YO’s leg? It’s the nastiest smell ever…hits you like a truck & she fights you cause she wants dad. What a workout! Finally eat your first meal since Saturday night, pizza. This comes back to haunt you at 1 am.

Thursday: 1 am, wake up to pukey 2YO, again. Clean up 4 stuffed animals, sheets, pajamas, pillow & child. 6:30 wake up with S7MO and notice he’s got a poopy diaper, but not just any poopy diaper, that hit-you-like-a-truck smell of a diaper that proceeded to leak and run down his leg, thru his pants to the bed, blanket, shirt, socks. Clean it all up. Give him a bottle while you start a load of laundry, 5 loads this week. Holding him after eating his bottle he spews another 7 ounce bottle everywhere. You now need to change his clothes, bib, your shirt, pants & clean the carpet. Add those to the laundry. Now snotty 2YO wakes up & change another nasty diaper & she’s very whiny. Around 8:45 get this feeling that if you don’t eat you will puke. Set down screaming S7MO & eat the nearest crackers.

Now, In 4 days you’ve eaten maybe 800 calories & had numerous workouts from children struggling to release from your grasp. Tell me you haven’t lost weight. My pants already fit a little looser.

Originally posted February 14, 2010

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